I am My Body, My Body is Me



I Am My Body,
My Body is Me

Perthmore, March 19, 2017

So often,
Too often,
A line is drawn.

The body
On one side.

The mind,
The emotions,
The psyche,
The soul,
On the other.

Illness comes.

For me:
Chronic pain.

For others,
An endless list:
And pain.

Battle lines
Are drawn.

The body cries out:
Oh why,
Have you done this
To me?

The mind cries back:
But it is you,
It is you
Who have done it
To me.

It becomes a fight.
The mind fighting
The body.
The body the mind.

Waging war,
Doing battle,

Day in,
Day out.

After very long night.

And we forget.

We forget
That mind and body
Are one.

There is no divide.

What happens
In the mind,
So happens
In the body.

What happens
In the body,
So happens
In the mind.

The only betrayal,
Is that
Of ourselves
To ourselves.

Not a betrayal
Of mind on body,
Or body on mind.

But the betrayal
When we forget
To listen
To the body,
Its whispers,
And its screams.

Illness comes,
Perhaps even slightly benign,
At first.
We push through.
We dominate.
And unforgiving.

We forget to listen.
We forget to care.
For this,
Our body,
The only body
We have.

We wear it down.
We wear it out.

The pain persists.
We still push on.

The pain worsens
We still push on.

The pain dominates.
We still push on.

Then the lamentation:
Mind to Body:
Oh why,
Have you done this
To me?

If only
We had listened,
To those Whispers.
To the whispers become screams.

If only,
We had cared for
That body.

The body
That houses
The mind,
The soul,
The essence
Of the being
That we are
And without which
We cannot exist
On this earth.

If only,
We had:
Walked together,
Mind and body,
Body and mind,
Through this wilderness
Of life.
Through its beauty,
And its darkness.
To come out,
At the end,
As one:
One body,
And psyche.

For those who engage
In this fight,
In this battle,
Step back.

Step back,
From that line.

Look into body,
And soul.

Look deeply,
And remember,
To care
For your own self,
For your own body,
Mind, psyche, and soul,
With all the love,
All the compassion,
All the tenderness,
That you hold
In your hearts,
And minds,
For others.

For the children,
The poor,
The downtrodden,
The suffering,
All the vulnerable creatures,
And small.

Care for your own child,
Your own vulnerable child within,
As you would
For the vulnerable child without.

Who else will care
If you don’t?

Who else is there
Who can listen to,
Who can hear,
The whispers?

Who else is there
Who can listen to,
Who can hear,
The screams?

8 thoughts on “I am My Body, My Body is Me

  1. You have captured what so many of us experience perfectly! I am sad that so many of us are in this position, and that so many feel so unsupported.as you say “day in, day out, night after long night”. So pleased that you emailed me and very glad to support and share your blog. BTW loving the artwork – my daughter has followed your friend from her insta art account (@lucyxms)

    • wendy.saunders

      Thank you so much for this. It is therapeutic for me to do this writing, but, most of all, I am hoping that it will help people find the words for their experiences with chronic pain or other chronic illnesses. We visit our pain specialists. Normally, we are asked where it hurts, how bad is the pain on a scale, whether the pain is sharp, or…. and the list goes on. We get some medications, and off we go for a month, or two, or three, until it is time to check back in with our specialist. In that interim, we can suffer immeasurably. But we have no way to express it and, for the most part, very few individuals in our immediate sphere who can appreciate it. It can be so very lonely making. I am hoping that in some way, my blog will help to give a voice to what the pain really means on a daily basis and also, of course, let those suffering understand that they are not alone. I appreciate your willingness to share and support my blog as I will do with yours. I am glad that your daughter has decided to follow Star. She is very talented as you can see from the artwork on my page and in her insta art account. Take care, and we shall be speaking further over these virtual media. Sincerely!

  2. Oh my goddess. This is so… relatable and spot on and everything I try to say when someone tells me to just push through pain. Because the thing is, I DID push through it. For years. And that’s partially how I got to this point of if I push through it nowadays… Then my body just refuses to keep going because it’s too much to push through.

    • wendy.saunders

      Thank you for sharing this with me. I understand so completely. I wonder, sometimes, how we survive all this pushing through with our poor, battered bodies. Just how much can one body take… There is no easy answer. Somehow, we need to survive our days which we cannot do, it seems, without pushing through, and, somehow, we have to find a way to do it while softening into the pain and learning self care. It is such a difficult balance and circumstances are so different for everyone. I think that there must be some way to just be in the pain without pushing through, to surrender rather than to war, to care for ourselves and afford ourselves the same kindnesses that we would afford to others. I can only wish you well, the absolute very best, as you strive to find your own way to keep on keeping on.

  3. Suz

    I wish I had of listened too…I may not be where I am now either..I carried on working in such high pain..wanted to push through..not give up! Didn’t want to except what was happening… you got it all spot on Wendy. .the daily struggle is so very hard at times..and they way you wrote..that WE must look after ourselves…as iv learnt…who else can or will …it’s a journey..not the 1 I wished for but we all still here…I’m not fighting anymore..iv excepted this is now me..a better version at times 2,it must be said.
    Love and peace
    Suz 💖👌✨✨✨

    • wendy.saunders

      Thank you so much for writing. I am so glad that you have come to the point of some acceptance. Although I pray that you find greater relief from the pain that still manifests so powerfully in your life. I guess I don’t want to accept that on your behalf! As for me, I really don’t know where I am with acceptance. I struggle with the limitations and lament what I cannot do. And yet it gets me nowhere, the struggle and the lamentation. Hopefully, we can learn from each other. Do take as much care of you as you can. See you on IG, or back here.

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